Jessica starts the show by herself because I'm stuck in traffic. Do trains actually run on time? The world is going to end in 25 years according to experts. And, we continue to unearth evidence that I was in special-ed classes and they just nev...

The salad bar is one of the greatest psychological tricks ever played on humans. I dare to ask the question: Who the hell lives at a hotel full-time? And, we discover a few new recipes from the Global Cookbook, all of which were pirated by chil...

I believe I have the worst office chair to ever exist. I unearthed some horrible recipes from my childhood. And, as the price of hamburger reaches record highs, we check in with ranchers in San Antonio to get to the bottom of it all. It's an in...

I'm still dreaming of joining a gang. I'm still eating Italian ices to get through the summer. And, Jessica is live from the 2nd annual company picnic, that was once again planned for a time that I can't attend. Enjoy.New episodes are re...

There's convicted felons selling meat out of a truck near me. I won big at the lottery. And, it's too hot to yield for pedestrians. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mai...

Ozzy Osbourne has died this afternoon. I had to fight an old woman for a ribeye steak. And, find out why it's fine by me for parents to leave their kids in hot cars. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact ...

We were promised a 10,000 hour summer blockbuster about the man with the island, but we haven't seen shit. And, my plan to defeat mother nature this summer has already failed. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to...

Summer 2025 is over — Halloween is here. I was involved in a car accident with a man who was too nice. And, China has cyborg bees, and they're on their way! Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the ...

The annual Independence Day hot dog eating competition is a lovely disgrace to this country. I haven't seen anyone drink a glass of water since 1997. And, Texas is looking to label junk food as 'not safe for human consumption' -- like that's go...

I'm very likely going to die alone in a state run facility. I have one big regret about my life. And, this new war just isn't doing it for me. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have ...

Managing a nuclear arsenal must be very similar to managing a buffet. I rented a car and got upgraded to a Mitsubishi -- that ain't right. And, I'm thinking about squatting on land in the Midwest. Enjoy.The Bear: Season 4 premieres Wedn...

Israel and Iran are not being nice to each other. It's looking like an ICEy summer. And, the plan to replace migrants workers with children in Florida really devalues the work. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want t...

Elon Musk and Trump are no longer sleeping together. Somebody had to tell you the truth. And, the boys in the National Guard are invading southern California, because they can. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you ...

The grocery store seems like an innocent place, but you won't believe what they're trying to sell me now. And, it's time for our first installment of john's financial hour, which lasts about 6 minutes, and might lead to an arrest. Enjoy....

I was told to resist drugs and violence growing up, but one of those things is a hell of a lot of fun. The only thing I can afford to eat, evidently, has arsenic in it, and will kill me soon. And, if Saudi Arabia wants to bribe our president, t...

I will be voting for a gang member next presidential election. I can no longer afford to eat. And, hate always wins. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-...

I need the new American pope to install a McDonald's at the Vatican and lift the curse put on me by a 93 year old man!! If you didn't see your mom for Mother's Day -- you're probably out of the will. And, you shouldn't blame a kid for wanting t...

It's 2025, and there are no more deals to be had. Bill Belichick has moved to North Carolina to enjoy getting sucked off in retirement. And, migrants are being paid $1000 to leave the USA. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. I...

Jessica built a rocket and prepares to go to space live on the show to honor astronaut Katy Perry. I saw a homeless man in a dress, which left me wondering, where the hell is the love? And, chicken is fighting back and giving us cancer. Enjoy.<...

Occasionally I'll say something that gives off the impression that I'm an expert, but in reality I don't have any idea what I'm talking about. My phone algorithm knows I'm going broke before I do. And, I bought a family size box of Nutri-Grain ...

Getting high in the backseat of your car can solve a lot of your problems. Also, evidently, they used to rent mules, which sounds like a bad business model. And, Jessica brought me Arby's to celebrate episode #200. Enjoy.New episodes are...

If your house didn't flood this week, then your 401k is probably down 40%. I saw a six-year-old who looked about 65 years old. And, I don't want to get sentimental. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact w...

I've noticed nobody ever offers to share their crack cocaine with me. My local Honda dealership is 100% employee-owned, and I don't like that. And, Florida is taking steps to put children back to work! They'll be roofing in 100° weather this su...

Buying a Cuisinart 12 piece stainless steel cook set dooms you to a life of being middle class. Astronauts are poor. And, is pimping actually easy? Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we ...

I reminisce about the days when I had illegal satellite. I believe I may have discovered a way to prevent many mass shootings. And, there's one breed of dog I have a big problem with. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you...