It's my birthday, and I'm a tyrannosaurus-rex now. I'm no longer human. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-336-1146 and leave feedback, or just complain...

I've been walking around smelling musty all week. I'm standing on BK business. And, find out why there's never been a better time to be fat in America than right now. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact...

To celebrate Chris Columbus Day properly, I went to Columbus, Ohio, and spent an evening at a hotel and ate at Buffalo Wild Wings. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mail...

The Riyadh Comedy Festival has started in Saudi Arabia, and comedians can't wait to get their hands on the blood money. Also, my phone battery might kill me. And, I'll be cleaning gutters in the Midwest this week. Enjoy.New episodes are ...

I bruised my sternum in my sleep. I need a new mattress. And, I went to a baby shower this past weekend and was forced to face my mortality. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a ...

When I was a young boy I excelled at funnel ball on the playground at school. I finally reveal what my recipe was in the Global Cookbook. And, Fall has now officially arrived and Jessica's coming back inside with the burn barrel. Enjoy.N...

I'm not a very knowledgeable man. The WNBA playoffs start September 14th, and YouTube is desperate for me to watch. And, I bought the manager's special pork at the store because "Big Pork" told me to. Enjoy.New episodes are released ever...

We correct a mistake from last week's show -- and now Jessica sleeping outside again. My phone's algorithm is convinced I'm a BBQ pitmaster. We relive the time my roommate ate a chicken carcass by moonlight. And, why the hell are so many kids b...

It's Labor Day 2025, and that means fall is in the air and football concussions are back! I spent a fortune on a soda at Four Guys. And, Chuck E. Cheese was arrested for theft in Florida. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday (be...

Jessica starts the show by herself because I'm stuck in traffic. Do trains actually run on time? The world is going to end in 25 years according to experts. And, we continue to unearth evidence that I was in special-ed classes and they just nev...

The salad bar is one of the greatest psychological tricks ever played on humans. I dare to ask the question: Who the hell lives at a hotel full-time? And, we discover a few new recipes from the Global Cookbook, all of which were pirated by chil...

I believe I have the worst office chair to ever exist. I unearthed some horrible recipes from my childhood. And, as the price of hamburger reaches record highs, we check in with ranchers in San Antonio to get to the bottom of it all. It's an in...

I'm still dreaming of joining a gang. I'm still eating Italian ices to get through the summer. And, Jessica is live from the 2nd annual company picnic, that was once again planned for a time that I can't attend. Enjoy.New episodes are re...

There's convicted felons selling meat out of a truck near me. I won big at the lottery. And, it's too hot to yield for pedestrians. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mai...

Ozzy Osbourne has died this afternoon. I had to fight an old woman for a ribeye steak. And, find out why it's fine by me for parents to leave their kids in hot cars. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact ...

We were promised a 10,000 hour summer blockbuster about the man with the island, but we haven't seen shit. And, my plan to defeat mother nature this summer has already failed. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to...

Summer 2025 is over — Halloween is here. I was involved in a car accident with a man who was too nice. And, China has cyborg bees, and they're on their way! Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the ...

The annual Independence Day hot dog eating competition is a lovely disgrace to this country. I haven't seen anyone drink a glass of water since 1997. And, Texas is looking to label junk food as 'not safe for human consumption' -- like that's go...

I'm very likely going to die alone in a state run facility. I have one big regret about my life. And, this new war just isn't doing it for me. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have ...

Managing a nuclear arsenal must be very similar to managing a buffet. I rented a car and got upgraded to a Mitsubishi -- that ain't right. And, I'm thinking about squatting on land in the Midwest. Enjoy.The Bear: Season 4 premieres Wedn...

Israel and Iran are not being nice to each other. It's looking like an ICEy summer. And, the plan to replace migrants workers with children in Florida really devalues the work. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want t...

Elon Musk and Trump are no longer sleeping together. Somebody had to tell you the truth. And, the boys in the National Guard are invading southern California, because they can. Enjoy. New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you ...

The grocery store seems like an innocent place, but you won't believe what they're trying to sell me now. And, it's time for our first installment of john's financial hour, which lasts about 6 minutes, and might lead to an arrest. Enjoy....

I was told to resist drugs and violence growing up, but one of those things is a hell of a lot of fun. The only thing I can afford to eat, evidently, has arsenic in it, and will kill me soon. And, if Saudi Arabia wants to bribe our president, t...

I will be voting for a gang member next presidential election. I can no longer afford to eat. And, hate always wins. Enjoy.New episodes are released every Tuesday. If you want to interact with the show, we have a voice mailbox. Call 818-...